I just finished reading the latest Taylor Swift piece in Rolling Stone - and of course, in classic Katie fashion, I felt inspired by what I read. Because, as with many things Taylor, I saw myself in her words.
Here’s the general gist:
Taylor was criticized or made fun of.
Taylor felt shame.
Taylor adapted herself to address said criticism and avoid said shame.
And on and on it goes.
Does this sound familiar to you? It certainly does for me. (An aside - I’ve been talking a lot about enneagrams lately and I am a 3).
For much of my life I was a master adapter. I could mold myself to fit into any situation. I sought approval from everyone around me, and so any criticism or comment or moment of dissonance was dangerous and scary to me. I had to be loved, by everyone, at all times. I had the tools to do it, too. I could do what I needed to protect myself by chameleon-ing and adapting to address any negative projection that came my way.
I learned to turn in on myself.
Anything that went wrong was my fault. Anything that someone said was a reflection of something I could do better.
Another aside: people tend to either turn inward or outward in the face of pain. Inwards = “I am wrong.” Outwards = “you are wrong.” Neither is the right approach but it’s good to see our natural inclination.
As with Queen Tay, at some point in life you realize that, like, this is exhausting.
Because it fucking is. You’re tired of doing what you think other people want from you. Your (ex)boyfriend asks your opinion on trivial shit and you struggle to find the answers because you are fighting between saying what he wants to hear and what you actually want to say. You don’t even know what your real answer is. And my god, you can’t even register on the stupid Myers Briggs test because you don’t know who you actually are from all of the adapting.
That’s where it really begins. That’s where you get to know yourself and who you really are and start to show up from that place.
You come home to yourself.
p.s. this is why I’m a coach. if this resonates and you are interested in coming home to yourself, ya girl is here.