Last night, I went to a workshop hosted by Mastin Kipp as part of the launch of his new book, Growing in Grace. I've been following his "blog"/spiritual guidepostings called Daily Love for a few months now, and thought it would be a good opportunity to see one of my many teachers speak in person. And, as these things tend to, the themes were right on point for what was going on in my life.
Mastin spoke a lot about the power of pulling through your fear, of being brave and moving through discomfort towards growth. The kind of growth that changes you and moves you closer to your calling. He says fear is part of the human experience, not something to be suppressed but to be sought out as a way to push ourselves further than we ever thought possible. As it turns out, today I am facing one of my fears. I am back in Los Angeles after a heartbreaking, challenging, demanding and inspiring year.
LA is where I fell in love. For me, it is a keeper of beautiful memories, where the impossible was made possible, my wildest dreams turned into reality, and where I found luck I'd never thought I could deserve. It's a bit painful to live in those memories even now. In honesty, I've been petrified to come back.
So, one year later, after all of the life changing stuff that a break up brings you through... I find myself here.
I know that the universe is telling me it's time to let go, to barrel through this fear, to make new memories and continue to forge my new life.
And as my girl Oprah says "God didn't bring you this far just to leave you."
I am listening. I hear you.
But, even now. My heart breaks again.
I miss it so. I miss those days, I miss falling endlessly in love, I miss feeling so damn connected and lucky. I miss the magic. And oh, was it magic.
Even though I'm probably the happiest (uncircumstantially, anyway) I've ever been, I can't quite shake that longing.
Because once you've had it, you know what you're missing.