Bliss Beats: Marina and the Diamonds

I'm back from Coachella and back to blogging! So, look forward to quite a bit more about my experience this year (spoiler: it was awesome) and the music I loved. One of my favorite acts this year was Marina and the Diamonds. Miss Diamandis released her sophomore album FROOT in March, and it might be one of my favorites on the entire year. The album spans the gamit of fun, poppy dance tunes (the album's title track, Blue) to haunting, beautiful, soulful ballads (Forget, I'm a Ruin). But my favorite track on the album is the simply brilliant, aptly titled "Happy."

With Happy, Marina has created a self-love anthem, spreading an important message about finding happiness within in a beautifully resonant way. Every time I listen to the song, I feel like Marina is looking directly into my soul and projecting some of the deepest learnings of my life. She taps into what makes an amazing song: it touches an insight, it strikes a chord, it puts you in touch with feelings you may not even know you have.

I found what I'd been looking for in myself Found a life worth living for someone else Never thought that I could be, I could be Happy, happy.

Check out the album on spotify.


The Coachella Line-Up Is Here!

The Coachella Line-Up Is Here!

In a strange twist of events, the Coachella gods dropped the 2015 line-up on us today. That means no time for anxious line-up speculation. It also means that we now have a very real line-up to lust over for the next 3 1/2 months.

Either way, I’m in love with the choices Coachella made this year. It might be my favorite line-up yet.

So as we prepare for the love/hate moments that make up this annual tradition, let’s explore some of the highlights after the jump:

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Battling Impatience & Building Self-Trust

I received this email this morning from the lovely Jamie Greenwood, and it really speaks to a theme that I'm finding myself facing at the moment. She wrote:

“Just tell me!”, I pleaded.

“I can’t, my love.  There’s no more thinking to be done,” she said.

“No really,” I begged. “There must be a structure, an outline, a plan to follow. Others have come before. There must be a right way!”

“Yes,” she said, “Others have. And the “rightness” of their path, as with each, is personal. Not universal.

“You must venture out. Test. Play. Slow. Sprint. Feel. Open. Pray to the heavens fall to the ground come up with nothing and go again, until the foundation under your feet firms until the light rims the clouds as bright, golden thread, until you weep and laugh, together, for nothing and everything, until the voice, your divine voice, rises from the shelter behind your sternum, golden itself to say, ‘I’ve been waiting for you. Take my hand, my dear, and we’ll travel together the rest of the way.’

“And when will THAT happen?” I pressed.

“When you trust,” she said.

I think we all know that feeling: the challenge of WAITING for the thing you most desire to happen to you. Whether it seems that life keeps putting mountains in the way of achieving it, or you just feel like you lack control, it can be one of the most uncomfortable experiences life throws at us.

Most of my adult life has felt like an endless waiting room in line for my own personal 'white whale': the love of my life. And as time goes on, it's easy to replace what was once hopefuly exuberance with fear and impatience. I'm fearful of never finding the deep, lasting love I crave.  I’m afraid if I don’t, my life will be perceived as a failure- by myself, and by my peers. I'm afraid that I'm not doing enough, doing too much, and am generally unable to move myself forward.

In that fear, I feel powerless and volatile, easily thrown back and forth from faith to fear by external circumstances.

But despite my struggles with patience, I'm beginning to realize that it isn't giving up or losing. It's trusting in grace.

Last week I went to see an astrologer with co-workers, an outing that we had planned for "fun." The two women who went with me are both solidified in deep, close-to-married relationships with their partners, and their chart readings matched up to that quite neatly. Mine, however, felt like a setback. The astrologer opened my charts and immediately asked me if I was single. After a series of concerned clucks, she mentioned that my "7th house of relationships" is plagued by Uranus until 2018, meaning that I will essentially not find a committed love until then. "I used to curse and curse and curse Uranus," she cried. "but, better than to start a marriage that will end in divorce." She encouraged me to work on myself (umm... haven't I been doing that already?), and to watch out for people who aren't who they say they are. Great.

To say this news wasn't thrilling is obvious.

I felt at once both vindicated (ah, so this is why my ex wouldn't commit!) and terrified (I have to wait four years to meet the one?! I'll be 31!). My trust in the universe shattered.

I felt myself on the verge of complete panic at times. The universe was CONSPIRING to keep me from finding a mate until 2018. I was a victim! It wasn't fair. How could I survive in "unconventional" relationships, or worse, ALONE, for four more years?!

Then I realized... I have a choice. Well, two choices in this case.

1. I can choose my beliefs. 

I can choose to believe the astrologer's unhappy news. I can choose to believe that I am powerless to the universe. I can choose to be completely and utterly afraid that the next four years of my life are going to be difficult in love.

OR- I can have faith. I can believe in my own personal power, and the power of the universe to support me in my intentions.  I can go inward rather than defining my belief system by what others say.


2. I can let patience flow through faith and grace.

I can fight against my own impatience and continue to berate myself for not finding love yet.

OR- I can trust that love is coming, and find pleasure in the patience. I can let go of fear and worry that I'm not deserving of amazing love as I am. I can love myself fully and commit to the belief that a wonderful and loving relationship is coming to me, guaranteed.


It's EASY to believe in what other's tell you. 

It's BRAVE to choose to believe in your story and to put trust and faith in yourself.


So today, I choose not to believe in what the astrologist said.

I choose to believe in love.

I choose to have faith.

I choose to trust in me, and in a higher power that leads me to bliss each day.

Not in some limitations imposed by my birth coordinates and planetary... stuff. Not fear of the unknown. And certainly not fear of what others want me to believe.

I trust that when it happens, whether in one year or four or ten, it will have been for a real, true, and positive reason. It will be part of the perfect path of my life.


What it feels like to love yourself (really)

1. You find yourself smiling for no reason.2. You're resilient. Small things don't really shake your sense of who you are anymore. 3. You stop taking things so personally. 4. Jealousy begins to fall away. You feel genuinely happy for others, and know that abundance is all a around. 5. You have faith that life is guiding you to where you're meant to be. 6. You start to wonder if maybe life is a little bit magical, maybe you're a bit magical too. 7. You listen to your gut. You trust yourself and your judgements. 8. You allow yourself to set boundaries that are right for you. 9. You embrace the things that make you different.

One year later & facing my fears

Last night, I went to a workshop hosted by Mastin Kipp as part of the launch of his new book, Growing in Grace. I've been following his "blog"/spiritual guidepostings called Daily Love for a few months now, and thought it would be a good opportunity to see one of my many teachers speak in person. And, as these things tend to, the themes were right on point for what was going on in my life.

Mastin spoke a lot about the power of pulling through your fear, of being brave and moving through discomfort towards growth. The kind of growth that changes you and moves you closer to your calling. He says fear is part of the human experience, not something to be suppressed but to be sought out as a way to push ourselves further than we ever thought possible. As it turns out, today I am facing one of my fears. I am back in Los Angeles after a heartbreaking, challenging, demanding and inspiring year.

LA is where I fell in love. For me, it is a keeper of beautiful memories, where the impossible was made possible, my wildest dreams turned into reality, and where I found luck I'd never thought I could deserve. It's a bit painful to live in those memories even now. In honesty, I've been petrified to come back.

So, one year later, after all of the life changing stuff that a break up brings you through... I find myself here.

I know that the universe is telling me it's time to let go, to barrel through this fear, to make new memories and continue to forge my new life.

And as my girl Oprah says "God didn't bring you this far just to leave you."

I am listening. I hear you.

But, even now. My heart breaks again.

I miss it so. I miss those days, I miss falling endlessly in love, I miss feeling so damn connected and lucky. I miss the magic. And oh, was it magic. 

Even though I'm probably the happiest (uncircumstantially, anyway) I've ever been, I can't quite shake that longing.

Because once you've had it, you know what you're missing.



Weekend Gratitudes (really, really rough day edition)

I'm on my way home from Coachella right now, which is always one of those 'best of times, worst of times' experiences [more on that later] in that it is seriously fun but seriously taxing. Don't get me wrong, it was a LOT of fun - but it definitely comes with a price for a few days afterwards.   I am feeling very off-kilter today, hugely in need of some self assurance from within. So, I'm going to try to turn to my gratitudes for help.

Here is what I was grateful for this weekend:

1. Beautiful weather!! Especially on the third day, it was seriously amazing. Not a cloud in the sky, not too hot, no humidity. It felt like heaven.

2. Obviously it goes unsaid that we got to see tons of great music this weekend. This year we really tried to just explore, and spent a lot less time trying to track people down. It was worth it- I think we saw at least part of something like 35 shows.

3. Coachella is a place where I have a lot of fond memories with my ex boyfriend, so it was sort of tough to be in the thick of it, especially since I've been going through a rough patch of late. But I'm lucky to have great friends who are willing to talk me through it time and time again, and I am really grateful for all of the support and hugs even from some of my newer acquaintances this weekend. And as a side note, this was the push I needed to say goodbye to him for good... I hope. It's been really difficult for me to fully comprehend that this person who I basically thought hung the moon and stars isn't actually good for me. It's really easy to fall back into a place of hope. But I'm learning.

4. My best friend and I decided to stay at the Hard Rock for the night on Thursday since we were the first of our group to get to Palm Springs and our house wasn't available until Fri. It ended up being an awesome decision, we had a blast.

5. LAUGHS. My god I had so much fun with my friends this weekend. So many jokes on jokes and smiles. Side note: I am ready to go back to the circle of Yes. It made everything better.


6. I'm currently in airport purgatory, but I think that means I'll be able to split a cab with Liz home. SO that's a win.

7. Creating new memories at Coachella. I know as I move further and further on, these memories will stick out over the old ones.

I'll be posting more on Coachella later this week... so until then xx





Deepak on Meditation + New 21 day Challenge

Today Deepak took part in a Live Chat on the Huffington post to introduce his new 21-day Meditation Challenge and discuss the power of meditation and finding your flow.

As a devout Deepak follower, I highly recommend checking out his chat (spoiler alert: Deepak says meditation can help enhance your sex life!). I think my favorite nugget is one of Deepak's mantras: sing your song. Be true to yourself, focus on what you're passionate about and how you can serve, and abundance will come. He also talks about the importance of self care and of focusing on one thing at a time & being fully present in that moment. In other words, it's all about balance, not trying to fit EVERYTHING in.

Finding Your Flow starts on 4/14- I'll be participating, and whether you're a first timer or seasoned meditator I suggest you do the same. <3 the Chopra Center!


Daily Gratitudes #6

Yesterday I had my first lazy day in a long, long while. I really enjoyed it and only had about 3 moments of "I have to get out of the house and be productive" anxiety. Much better than usual :) Here are my gratitudes:

1. I cooked a very simple, thai-inspired meal with leftovers for DAYS. Very excited to eat this again tonight

2. I got to catch up with a friend I haven't seen for a while at one of my favorite bars for an intimate chat and a few glasses of red wine: The Immigrant.

3. So much House of Cards binge-watching means my mind is part Claire today (I'm definitely not conniving enough to be part Frank).

4. Passionfruit is back at Pinkberry. Eff. yes. Side note, Pinkberry also just announced they're carrying these new Maria Sharapova gummy candies, which really made me laugh. They're called things like "flirty" and "cheeky." Umm, what?

5. A clean apartment + new sheets = joy.

Weekend Gratitudes #1

1. Spring-like weather - a much needed reprieve from the polar vortex and a reminder that we're more than 2/3 through this winter!

2. I had such a wonderfully civilized Saturday morning. Rather than the usual "wake up at 12p hungover" routine, I went to a 10:30 spin class at Revolve and rocked out a full hour of sweat. My good friend and I then had a casual stroll around Union Square, catching up over Jamba Juice.  All in all, a great time!

3. Lots of fun celebrating a few friends' birthdays, including my cousin's at my apartment. We ended up seeing so many people, both planned and unplanned, and it was a great reminder of the amazing people I have in my life. I'm so grateful for it.

4. A nice heart to heart "I really want to be friends with you" moment with a new pal - I love the positive affirmations that new connections create.

5. A wonderful dinner at home with my family, and a nice belated Valentine's gift.

6. HOUSE. OF. CARDS. I watched one episode today and I'm totally, totally in.

7. A friend told me a story this weekend of a great compliment her co-worker gave her about my dad (they all work for the same company). He said that my dad was "just the absolute nicest man ever" and that he speaks of me often. It made my heart smile.

8. A drink with a handsome gentleman, and the self-fortitude to not worry about anything but the fact that it was fun. It seriously feels like a huge shift has been made in my life, that finally my self esteem is so much more constant and tied to an underlying belief that I am good enough.

9. My cold is starting to break, and mucinex is a total savior.