A few weeks ago I put out a video telling the story of my college eating disorder, the struggles I faced and how I was finally able to ask for help. As you can imagine, putting something so big and so secretive out there for the world to see wasn’t easy. But there was also a huge part of me that knew I had to do it. And that part of me was (so far) seemingly right.
I’ve been so overwhelmed by all of the responses I’ve received. You’ve shared your stories and helped me remember that none of us are alone in this, that this is and continues to be a real struggle for many. You’ve cheered for me and brightened my day with your kind words. You’ve thanked me for voicing my struggles, and in doing so you’ve moved me to such a state of awe and overwhelming gratitude that is hard to put into words how much it means to get to feel this way.
Yes, to say that I have gotten a lot out of your openness is an understatement.
When I first recorded my video, I thought I’d talk for maybe 5 minutes. I’m consistently surprised by how long I can TALK about this wellness stuff. So I didn’t get to cover EVERYTHING I wanted to cover. Recovery from an eating disorder is a journey, and it is not an easy one. It requires learning and re-learning and unlearning lessons until only the good ones stick in your mind and your heart and your soul. It’s not enough to just hear something. You have to really believe it, deep in your bones. And then there are the actions that you have to put into place.
It isn’t easy. But it’s worth it.
A lot of people say that an eating disorder always stays with you. Some days, I will vehemently shake my head and agree. But others, sometimes in long, luxurious stretches, I will smile and think “it can just be easy.” When the lessons click, they can stick with you for a while. And it’s the most wonderful feeling in the world, just living and not worrying about what you look like in that moment.
But as I said, it takes work. And the work (probably) never really ends.
These are five big takeaways I’ve learned on my road to recovery, my 9 year journey after seeking help. I hope that these will help you whether or not you’ve had an eating disorder. We all share the struggle of needing to learn to love our bodies and the work they do for us more.
Sending you heaps of love.
P.S. Today's Beat is by Mura Masa. I'd venture to say I found them through Bempology, an acquaintance's music blog that I've been following for years because he finds THE BEST music far before it becomes more 'mainstream' (as mainstream as indie/underground stuff can get). I'm including an extra one that I love for good measure. P.S. They are playing at Bowery Ballroom literally tomorrow (5/7) if you're into that.
Mura Masa -- Firefly
Mura Masa-- What if I Go?