MAD VULNERABILITY ALERT: On eating disorders and wearing sports bras in workout classes

Ooooohh baby. This is a scary one.

When I first had the thought to share a video about having an eating disorder in college, and the body image issues that followed, I thought to myself "damn it, Katie. Is this a good idea?"

And immediately, I knew that it was.

If you've been following my videos thus far you know that fear is just the challenge I need to know I'm doing the right thing.

Surprisingly, once I got going, it was super easy to talk about my past struggles with food. The words flowed out of me (as you'll notice by the length of this video and the fact that it is a two-parter). Perhaps it is because this is a subject that I am incredibly passionate about (yes). Or perhaps it's because it feels really good to finally share a part of you that you've kept secret for a long time from most of the people who know you (though to many of you, this will not be a huge surprise). For me, it's both.

I  am sharing this story because it does not define me. It is a small part of who I was, and also an important part of what made me who I am. It doesn't mean I am broken or was broken, or that I'm weird or fucked up or too much to handle (and I'm sorry if it hits you that way, because I know triggers happen). It means that I am a woman, that I've struggled to find my place in the world just like many of us have and do, and that I'm not afraid to own and love a dark part of myself. I'm happy and sad and glad and scared and anxious and elated and brave and more. 

Today I am a woman sharing her struggles and her triumphs. I am someone who is incredibly proud to have overcome something ugly. I am someone who hopes her message will resonate with someone.

I am going to be sharing a video as a follow-up about the things that helped me get through my eating disorder, but in the meantime, please know you are not alone. It took a village (family, friends, therapists, nutritionists, books) to help me see my body clearly again. And to all of the above, I am incredibly grateful. 

Much love forever and thanks for listening.

Katie

p.s. Today's beat is one of my favorite songs on the planet by one of my female spirit animals, Marina and the Diamonds. Someone went inside of my heart and captured it's song, and this is it. It's called Happy. And it's about a young woman's struggle and triumph in finding her own happiness. I hope you love it as much as I do.