Digging deep for the Lesson

One of my favorite things about the self work I've been doing is trying out all of the little tools and tid bits that many authors/experts share. It's pretty empowering and awe inspiring to put one into action and see results, to really start to feel a shift. Even those that at first sound silly or daunting or even impossible can make a difference. It starts with being brave, letting go of judgements, and jumping in. Today's post is about one of the tools I picked up at the Mastin event a little over a week ago. Mastin spoke about how often when something bad or even something unsatisfactory happens to us, we tend to fall into the classic question: Why. Why is this happening to me, why would he/her/they do this to me, why would God let this happen? But these questions only leave us feeling victimized, and perpetuate a circle of negativity, lack, and the idea that we are not in control of our lives.

Instead, Mastin suggests to look for the lesson in the harder moments of our lives. Shifting from the victim from the empowered: what is the universe teaching me? What can I learn from this? What am I gaining?

This really resonated with me because it was a tool that I had employed once before with great results. Caroline, my life coach guru, suggested that I flip the switch on my internal dialogue about being heart broken and instead put together a list of all of the things I gained from the experience. I did just that, and really found it to be transformational--- it helped me to start to let go of the helplessness and the anger, and start to look for the positive in the experience, to feel hope. At the time, it hadn't yet come full circle that this was a tool I could use in every day life. I thought it was just something to help me release my ex. Now, I understand it can be applied to most situations to help maintain the gentle hum of faith.

So, with that in mind, I'd like to apply this tool to my previous blog post.

For a bit of background, a little over a week ago I had to travel to LA for work. LA is where I fell in love with my ex, and that experience is really the only context I have for that city. It was tough to be back there, flooded with memories that I really miss. I found myself in my hotel room that night, exhausted and sad, wondering why I was facing this experience at this moment. We had broken up a year ago almost to the day. I had worked so hard on myself, on moving on and growing forward in more ways than one. I couldn't help but ask myself: why am I still here? Why do I still feel sad? Why am I unable to move on? Why couldn't those wonderful experiences of my past still be in my present life?


What's amazing: you ask for the lesson, and the universe gives it to you.

I was writing this post with the intention of working through what I thought the lesson could be, hoping that it would eventually come to me. Instead, the universe delivered a nail on the head lesson.

I ran into my ex today outside of my apartment, after a year of never having a run in in our neighborhood.

The lesson, after that, was pretty clear: I'm ready. I'm strong, I've grown into a really happy person, living a life that I love. And it isn't dependent on another person, it's dependent on me. I've got a good story to tell these days, and I'm no longer looking to fill voids with someone else's accomplishments. The areas in my life in which I felt most inadequate were areas were my ex really shined, in many ways I was so proud to be with him because it helped me to fill up the places where I needed filling. Where I wished my life could be better. Now, I realize that I was never inadequate in those areas at all, and that what I have is more than enough. I've realized that I've been the person I wished I was all along, I possess the qualities that I so admired in him too.

So while it's hard to be reminded of loving memories and feelings because I still really want these things, the truth is, the sadness is no longer tied to him. It's the sadness of missing the experience of falling in love. And that's an experience that I have full faith I will have again in life. In a way that is bigger than I could imagine.

Gratitudes #14

Attitude of Gratitude time! 1. I'm finally having a night in after my vacation and lots and lots of catching up with friends. Laundry, cooking, and watching the Emmy's never felt so good. 2. We saw a first cut of our new TV spots today, and the work is turning out amazingly. I'm really, really proud to be part of it and can't wait to see how people react. The spots are beautiful and I think the content online will be even better. 3. Great weekend with wonderful friends. We celebrated my friend Jilly's 30th birthday and it was a blast- hence the need to rest today. & sooooo many good pics. 4. Getting to spend time with my family yesterday- and sharing lots and lots of stories about our adventures in Europe. And beautiful weather hanging by the tiki bar. 5. I had a really nice walk home today- couldn't find a Citi Bike unfortunately, but it ended up being really nice to just strolling, listening to music, and checking out the remains of the Union Square Green Market. 6. Early meetings = early ubers & a breezy commute. I am getting this on time thing down ;) 7. Soul night tonight- day 11 of the new 21 day meditation challenge, a new book to read, and a few writing exercises. Time to get that bliss. 8. Running into a friend on the street- and feeling really, truly authentic. I mean- how can you not be when you're carrying 6 bags, after walking around the city for an hour? **The more I am who I really am...


Gratitudes #8

I haven't expressed my gratitudes in a bit, and I definitely am beginning to notice how easy it is to slip out of bliss mode without a gratitude practice. So, back on the gratitude train we go! Here are my gratitudes for this week, so far.

1. Today was a beautiful day- the sun was shining, and I got out of the city for a few hours and spent some time sitting in my parents' backyard. I'm not typically incredibly attuned to nature, but since starting my meditation practice, have been more mindful of our surroundings. My parents' backyard looked so gorgeous today- lush, green, and budding. It was beautiful to see.

2. So many great new songs and sets this week! A few of my favorites:

  • New Epic Radio
  • Porter Robinson's new song Sad Machine is anything but- euphoric and gorgeous. I can't WAIT for his new album.
  • NERO is back - and still dark, sultry, and heavy on the bass. Loving Satisfy.

3. My friends had a wonderful engagement party / housewarming last night, and there was so much love all around the room. I love being part of special moments like that. + we had a blast.

4. I did something today that I never thought I'd do - yoga in my apartment. Doesn't sound too revolutionary, but there is something about the idea of doing yoga in your own apartment that always felt like it wouldn't possibly feel like a good workout. It takes a lot for me to break my exercise "rules," one of which is that exercise time has to be heavy on cardio and in a gym environment. So, I was proud to give myself permission to try something different. And it was great! The video that I did was rigorous and I really enjoyed it. And it helped me mix it up (I'd spent the past few days running on the treadmill and could feel my body needed a break) without having to plan around a class time. I've obviously only tried one service, but since I've been to their studios in real life, I feel like I can confidently vouch for My Yoga Works online.

5. NEW MAD MEN TONIGHT. Enough said.

6. Dating has been getting to be a lot more fun and a lot less stressful. My life coach put it best - approach dating like you just want to see [who the other person is] and be seen yourself. It's really opened up my perspective and helped me to shut off the need to worry about "pleasing/perfecting" and whether or not he is interested in me. It's much more about mutually understanding who the other person is and deciding if there could be something there.

7. I had a great week away for work last week, but it was also EXHAUSTING and I was really craving alone time by the end. I got to catch up on a lot of sleep this weekend, and also get some necessary 'me time' in.


On that note, it's time for Mad Men!

Wishing you a blissful start to your week.