Gratitudes #14

Attitude of Gratitude time! 1. I'm finally having a night in after my vacation and lots and lots of catching up with friends. Laundry, cooking, and watching the Emmy's never felt so good. 2. We saw a first cut of our new TV spots today, and the work is turning out amazingly. I'm really, really proud to be part of it and can't wait to see how people react. The spots are beautiful and I think the content online will be even better. 3. Great weekend with wonderful friends. We celebrated my friend Jilly's 30th birthday and it was a blast- hence the need to rest today. & sooooo many good pics. 4. Getting to spend time with my family yesterday- and sharing lots and lots of stories about our adventures in Europe. And beautiful weather hanging by the tiki bar. 5. I had a really nice walk home today- couldn't find a Citi Bike unfortunately, but it ended up being really nice to just strolling, listening to music, and checking out the remains of the Union Square Green Market. 6. Early meetings = early ubers & a breezy commute. I am getting this on time thing down ;) 7. Soul night tonight- day 11 of the new 21 day meditation challenge, a new book to read, and a few writing exercises. Time to get that bliss. 8. Running into a friend on the street- and feeling really, truly authentic. I mean- how can you not be when you're carrying 6 bags, after walking around the city for an hour? **The more I am who I really am...

xx

Gratitudes #8

I haven't expressed my gratitudes in a bit, and I definitely am beginning to notice how easy it is to slip out of bliss mode without a gratitude practice. So, back on the gratitude train we go! Here are my gratitudes for this week, so far.

1. Today was a beautiful day- the sun was shining, and I got out of the city for a few hours and spent some time sitting in my parents' backyard. I'm not typically incredibly attuned to nature, but since starting my meditation practice, have been more mindful of our surroundings. My parents' backyard looked so gorgeous today- lush, green, and budding. It was beautiful to see.

2. So many great new songs and sets this week! A few of my favorites:

  • New Epic Radio
  • Porter Robinson's new song Sad Machine is anything but- euphoric and gorgeous. I can't WAIT for his new album.
  • NERO is back - and still dark, sultry, and heavy on the bass. Loving Satisfy.

3. My friends had a wonderful engagement party / housewarming last night, and there was so much love all around the room. I love being part of special moments like that. + we had a blast.

4. I did something today that I never thought I'd do - yoga in my apartment. Doesn't sound too revolutionary, but there is something about the idea of doing yoga in your own apartment that always felt like it wouldn't possibly feel like a good workout. It takes a lot for me to break my exercise "rules," one of which is that exercise time has to be heavy on cardio and in a gym environment. So, I was proud to give myself permission to try something different. And it was great! The video that I did was rigorous and I really enjoyed it. And it helped me mix it up (I'd spent the past few days running on the treadmill and could feel my body needed a break) without having to plan around a class time. I've obviously only tried one service, but since I've been to their studios in real life, I feel like I can confidently vouch for My Yoga Works online.

5. NEW MAD MEN TONIGHT. Enough said.

6. Dating has been getting to be a lot more fun and a lot less stressful. My life coach put it best - approach dating like you just want to see [who the other person is] and be seen yourself. It's really opened up my perspective and helped me to shut off the need to worry about "pleasing/perfecting" and whether or not he is interested in me. It's much more about mutually understanding who the other person is and deciding if there could be something there.

7. I had a great week away for work last week, but it was also EXHAUSTING and I was really craving alone time by the end. I got to catch up on a lot of sleep this weekend, and also get some necessary 'me time' in.

 

On that note, it's time for Mad Men!

Wishing you a blissful start to your week.

 

What I Gained

If you know me, you know that I'm very, very open to all kinds of self help and exploration, and have dabbled in just about everything. I think it feeds my curious soul, intellectual need to dig in, and also my somewhat perfectionistic tendencies [which I am working on!]. So. Lately this is manifesting itself in seeing a life coach, whom I actually really love! More on that another time.

In a recent discussion, she suggested that I change the tune about my break-up by focusing on my gratitudes for the relationship and what I can say I've learned and gained from the experience. She says, and I agree, that all relationships are put into our lives for a reason, so while this one didn't end up being the end all, be all, there is certainly much to gain from the experience.

rumi quote be grateful

Here are the things that I gained:

1. The confidence to try new things and put myself out there

If there is one thing my ex is great at, it is just going with it - meeting new people, going to all kinds of events with or without company, he's pretty much down to try anything. I've always been much more reserved and nervous about making myself feel vulnerable in new situations, but he inspired me to get out there and try, to not be afraid to make a connection with a stranger or do something that is out of my comfort zone. And the more I try, the more I see it's not such a scary world after all.

2. New musical interests

Music was a huge part of our relationship, and we both have a lot in common in terms of musical preferences. However, I can easily say that dating introduced me to some of my favorite artists and podcasts. Especially Daft Punk!

3. A boost towards greater self-love- and the start of a journey

When we were together, I felt better about myself than I had in a long time- I think because I started to see myself the way that he saw me. I'm now striving to see myself that way without needing outside validation, but I really believe that he boosted me into feeling like more of a beautiful, interesting, and impressive person than I had felt before. And while it was incredibly difficult, our break-up catapulted a lot of self learning, and a lot of really important exploration for me. I don't know if I would have ever found such important resilience, spiritual growth, and tools to cultivate self love. I'm still learning and growing, but in ways I couldn't have imagined on my own.

4. The knowledge I have the capacity to really, truly love - and go the distance for it.

I had ended all of my previous serious relationships, because after a while, I realized the love wasn't lasting or there for me anymore- but often only after quite a long time of trying to force it and/or beating myself up. I was really hard on myself for walking away from great guys, and thought there was something wrong with me - that maybe I'd never fully be able to feel the kind of love that doesn't waiver. I was pretty young and naive at that time, with a lot of self struggle to overcome, but I definitely learned in this situation what real love feels like, and how I want to feel [and THEN SOME!] with the person I end up with. Love takes work, you have to really be willing to give it your all, and now I know that I can.

5. Love for Los Angeles and some wonderful memories

Not much color commentary to add here- my visits to LA were some of my favorite, I'll always look back on them fondly. I built a bond with a city I didn't think I'd ever really care for.

6. A tough, but important lesson that [to get all Above and Beyond-y on you], love is not enough sometimes.

I have always been under the single-minded belief that love conquers all, is the most important thing, etc. etc. And while I still very much believe in the power of love (what up, Celine?), I now know that that emotional connection isn't a fix all. It doesn't mean that fundamental issues like not wanting the same things in life will magically fade away. It doesn't change a person, fundamentally. It isn't as easy as love at first sight-- though it certainly can be, when it's the right person.

7. Incredible depth of friendship [& how important that is to me]

One of the areas where my ex and I really differ is in depth of friendship -- he has many, many friends and tries to spend his time equally, I tend to stick more to my core group of friends and value building deeper emotional connections and shared memories. In reflecting on this, I've learned just how important and how satisfying these relationships are in my life. Also, I can't say enough how floored I was and continue to be by the incredible love and support friends and family have shown me through this challenge. I am so, so lucky, and the depths of my friendships continue to grow, even more so because of this experience. I love you all!!

8. That it's important to set personal boundaries, and stand up for ME.

As women, I think we've all heard the old adage that men like to do the chasing, that we should be laid back and act aloof and let them come around to realizing how much they need us in their lives. FUCK. THAT. Honestly, I can and probably will write a diatribe about this ridiculous school of thought, holding women back from being themselves and feeling that they can express their needs. But I'll save that for later. What I can say is that - the entire time that I was with my ex, he refused to call me his girlfriend. And I wasn't okay with that, but I made myself be okay with it. I figured that as long as he was good to me and played the part, the words didn't matter and would come in time. I now know that it's incredibly important to set boundaries and to express my needs. It may not have kept him around for longer, but I would have wasted a lot less time on a person who wasn't willing to meet me halfway. Today, I value and respect ME, and trust myself to set boundaries and listen to my heart.

Daily Gratitudes #3

Today is the short program of Olympic Women's Figure Skating so there's a lot to be grateful for. Here we go: 1. Yuna Kim. She's a Queen. I forgot how much I loved her until today- she's the best.

2. Today I had a yearly physical, and I am in good health (woo!)

3. Jamba Juice gave me a free shot of vitamin c and zinc, hopefully adding to my already stellar bill of health from earlier.

4. We have a huge day at work tomorrow, but really cranked it out today in preparation. I'm proud of my new team.

5. This photo of me from my figure skating youth. My mom sent it to me and it was so good I had to post it everywhere. The crushed velvet! The lankiness! The french braid! Phew, might get a nose bleed from up there. #SWAG #BrushMyShoulderOff