You are #1

As you guys know, I started a new job two months ago. My "dream job," thinking and talking about what I love (helping people) all day, every day.

I'll tell you a secret-- it's been hard. Really hard.

I always find the beginning of a job to be challenging. To date, I've accepted that this is part of who I am. I like feeling super competent and really understanding things (which is hard when you're learning a new business or how a new company works). I get really overwhelmed and anxious when I'm not settled into a groove, and feel like I'm living in an anxiety cloud.  I didn't think there was any way around this part of my life. So every time I start a new job, I struggle through until I make it out the other side, usually with a few bruises and a few months under my belt.

But today, I finally had the insight (with help from my coach aaaand my boyfriend) to ask myself: after 10 years, why has it never occurred to me to question if I HAD to struggle at the beginning of a new job?

In coaching we talk a lot about choice- how we have the ability to choose in almost any situation. You get to choose how you show up, so you get to choose what happens to you. You assume you're going to have a bad day, you have a bad day. 

I never thought I had a say in how the first few months of my job feel. I thought it was just my inherent nature to struggle, and be scared, and feel uncomfortable, and let my anxiety run wild.

But what if I can choose?

What if the reason that I hate the first few months of a job is because I feel unsafe and like I have something to prove, so I make my job my #1 priority?

And what if I can choose to make myself my #1 priority and assume that I am already safe?

Because that's what happens at that magical moment when the clouds part and I suddenly feel good at work. I feel safe, because I feel like I have built up enough clout. I start to put myself first again. I pay attention to my needs. I snap out of turbo mode where I jump right into work the second I arrive and am afraid to book doctor's appointments or leave before my bosses do. I live my life like it matters more than my job.

So what if I choose to do that now?

I do declare.

That today.

Katie is #1.

Work is #2.

And that is how I will strive to operate from now on.