I AM Moana

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If you haven't seen Moana yet, stop reading this blog post and go watch it. I mean it! Then come back.

Ok cool. Did you cry? I bet you cried.

I've been listening to a LOT of Moana for the past few days. Because my really smart wonderful friend Bryce who I kind of hate right now made me realize something really big on Saturday.

Let me explain.

Last week was a full moon. For those in the well (new phrase i just made up for being in the know in the wellness word, get excited), the moon is a very powerful entity who's main job is to control the tides, not just of the ocean but of our souls. The moon comes in and wrecks shit and breaks us open and shows us things we may not want to see and invites us to release stuff or ask for stuff. The moon is basically the wise Grandmother in Moana.

Bryce and his acupuncture friend hosted a meditation / breath work thing on the night of the full moon that was simply magical. We all released a ton of crap and felt amazing afterwards.  Seriously, i hadn't felt that light in a very long time. The breath of life is no joke (don't try it at home). Some people cried, but not me! I was elated. I strolled on home on a cloud and was super excited to carry my beautiful high vibe self into the weekend.

Friday morning I woke up to a WHOLE LOT OF HORRIBLE GUNKY GROSSNESS. 

And the gunk wouldn't leave. 

I ranted, complained, and raged inside. I wandered to a date on the verge of tears (somehow, it still went great).

I couldn't understand what all of these gross feelings were coming up for. Honestly, I thought it was just another reaction to not having a boyfriend. it is, after all, the only thing I pine after these days. Otherwise, things are pretty gravy.

But the Full Moon is a wake up call, my darlings. And the wake up that I got may not have been the one I asked for, but it was the one I deserved.

Saturday I called Bryce. What started as a "why haven't I met the one yet" conversation became something much, much bigger.

You see, all of this time I've been working on creating a life that makes me happy. And it's worked, for the most part. I am really, truly happy, happier than I've been maybe in my entire life. So, I thought that the work was done. Sure, I've never stopped working towards that goal, but it's started to come naturally. And it's spilling over into lots of areas of my life.

I didn't realize that (of course) life will keep giving you lessons when you're ready for them. 

I didn't see that my happy foundation would mean that I'd be asked to move on to something more. 

And that something is purpose.

I have dreamed little dreams my entire life of becoming something bigger than myself. Of starting something. Of sharing that something with others. Of making an impact. 

I've done that in small ways, but I've not allowed myself to really follow that path.

I've played it safe.

And in doing so, I've found a lot of joy. 
But I know there is something more out there that I'm missing. Something that I can choose to ignore, and probably still live a pretty good life. Or something I can choose to follow and live a life of more joy than I could imagine. 

I don't really know what any of that means yet, beyond that I'm going to have to get comfortable taking risks. Today, all I know is that I'm scared, but I'm committed. I'm committed to listening to the small voice that is inside me and taking some kind of action. Every day.

Which is why I'm writing this.

I've read a lot of things about people reflecting on finding their purpose. But when you're in it, it feels like a whole bunch of magical BS that doesn't happen to regular people like you and I. So I'm going to try my best to chronicle this whole process. And hopefully end up on the other side screaming that I'm where I belong. But until then...

come what may
I know the way
I am Moana!