When did we forget about joy?
/It’s Saturday. I woke up this morning and did the usual - check my phone, check to see if Elliott’s awake, snooze a bit more, snuggle with Lou, scroll on Instagram, wait for Elliott to wake again, finally decide I just want to get up and get out of bed…. and here we are.
I thought I knew how to weekend. But these days, I am less and less sure.
During my bed-scrolling, I tumbled into my old coach Caroline’s instagram feed. And I read a post of hers detailing that joy is not just a feeling but a tool. And an incredibly important foundational tool.
Immediately I felt two things: an inner knowing that she was right, and a sense of deep relief. and a scatty, anxious shame that I’ve been doing it all wrong.
How could I have forgotten about JOY? Not just the pursuit of joy, but the intentional creation of joy as a critical ingredient to our day to day lives.
Which is why I am here, writing this.
Joy can look big - like the culmination of a lifetime of seeking and a year of planning on your wedding day, surrounded by those you love. Or a big night out, going to see your favorite musician with your best friends.
But, joy exists in small moments too.
Like any element, it can be created and destroyed. It can appear and disappear. And like any element, we have more control and autonomy over our experience than we think.
Joy isn’t just an external force. It’s something we have access to in every moment of every day.
That doesn’t mean that every moment will be joyful.
Instead, it means it is our responsibility to ourselves to create moments of joy - big and small - every day.
It’s easy to forget, or to discount, or to ignore all together - these daily practices and occurrences that create a joyful existence. Big emotions overtake us. Work sucks us in, caring for others takes over, the news presents a bleak picture of war, inflation, and disease. All of these things may be true. But simultaneously, we have a say over how we care for our inner worlds. We can let the fear, anxiety and sadness become our foundation, or we can build a new one through small, daily practices of joy.
The magic here - and I have experienced this as well - is that the more you build a joyful foundation, the more joy you will find, the less you will be tethered to the challenges we are all facing today. Like a building, through reinforcements we stand taller, stronger, longer.
So - what happens when you realize your joy foundation has been taking a back seat to your fears about your work, your wantingness to prove yourself, your perfectionistic, achiever self?
there is no shame in forgetting or getting swept up into the stimulus in front of you and the big emotions. Cut the self critical shit out (note to self for sure).
Awareness is magic. Now that you’ve got it, it’s time to put some changes into action.
Start small. Recognize that joy is yours to make. Start with a list of small things that bring you joy that are yours to create, to destroy, to ignore, to celebrate - for me that’s writing, music (in all forms), reading, a great podcast or a really compelling show, connecting with a friend, moving my body (which can totally cross over into achiever territory so this one I have to watch), journaling, meditating, a relaxing bath…. there are so many more. Set a goal to prioritize these things more frequently in your life - you can start with a few times a week and build from there. Ultimately, I strive to create one moment of personal joy per day.
All of these things have the ability to flip out of joy and into obligation - so it’s important to be mindful of this. Feel into your feelings - if something feels like a chore, it’s crossed into obligation. Feel into what might bring you joy in that moment and choose that - rather than pushing.
Practice mindfulness and gratitude around those moments of joy that already exist - this is the pull side of the equation. You are an abundant being connected to a source who loves you. Goodness is being created for you every day if you just choose to see it. Recognize the love around you, the magical moments that happen each day, celebrate the small wins and comforts that happen no matter what you are experiencing. There is always a piece of joy to be found.
So we come back to Saturday morning. It’s easy for my mind to take me to a laundry list of things I “need to do” today - even joyful ones start to feel overwhelming. And so, I’m creating this space for myself to write in a way that I haven’t in over two years because it brings me joy. I had forgotten, but now I am here. And I will choose to use this moment as the first brick in a foundation of joy.
x