Embarking on this journey.
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The highs and lows of Coachella
/If you know anyone who has gone to Coachella, you've probably heard the standard run down of the experience: it was awesome, epic, life changing, beautiful, insane music, the "best weekend ever." And while some of this enthusiasm is totally true, and totally warranted, I've found that it's often accompanied secret seeds of doubt, regret, or general displeasure. That's right, blog friends. I feel I can trust you and so I will reveal the truth of Coachella. It's fun, but it's exhausting. There are some really awesome moments and some moments where you can't help but think "can my body withstand one more DJ asking me to jump up and down?" "am I really comparing myself to that tiny hula hoop wielding girl?" or "wouldn't this be a little bit better if I had someone to help me wash my feet and hug me at the end of the night?". And I can tell you that after three years of going, once with a significant other and always at a different stage in the emotional maturity of my life, that the highs and lows are ever-present no matter the experience.
I'm not trying to be complainy. This blog is about practicing gratitude for all of the blessings in my life, and the ability to go to Coachella for vacation is definitely one of those blessings. However, this blog is also about being true to myself and loving myself no matter what - and today, that no matter what is secretly kind of love-hating a music festival.
On that note, here are the highs, lows, and in-betweens of Coachella 2014.
Some really great music. Of course, I got to experience some incredible sets this year. A few of my favorites (linked where possible):
Rudimental
Lana Del Rey
The Head and The Heart
RL Grime
...and some really good friends. I really love my friends and got to spend some wonderful QT with them and make some serious memories. I wouldn't trade all of the jokes and laughs for anything. And we got to know a few new friends, who were all awesome.
Great outfit game. Coachella is part fashion show, part music festival, and though it can be completely overwhelming, my outfits were on point this year and I had a lot of fun frolicking in the sun, getting tan, and wearing bright flowery headbands. And getting ready with the girls in the house. No shame!
+ Great pics
Constant group logistics: Unlike in years past, I wanted to spend as little time on my cell phone trying to find my friends as possible this year. So, I clung haplessly to my group, and avoided straying from group think as much as possible. As a result, I did miss a few shows I wanted to see, and also didn't get to catch-up with some of the people I really wanted to see. However, I DID spend significantly less time contemplating meeting spots.
Forcing ourselves through sets / FOMO: Kind of related to the point above, we literally forced ourselves to hang through one of the sets on Friday rather than expressing what we were all secretly thinking: this kind of sucks, let's go check something else out or better yet sit down and rest our sad, sad legs. Silly, but true. We all discussed how we wished we had had the balls to tell each other how much we were NOT enjoying this show, but didn't. That, and the fear that you're missing another amazing set by choosing one performance over another. It's really unavoidable but it still hurts.
Sneaky moments of anxiety: I don't know how exactly to pin point it. Perhaps it's the exhaustion, the over-crowding, the super high expectations and personal pressure I can put on myself at these sorts of things, the down time in between really good songs filled with mediocre songs, or the fact that my ex-boyfriend was parading around like he was captain of Coachella, but sometimes in the middle of the festival, you just feel sad and overwhelmed. I'm talking "what am I doing with my life" sad. And you just have to suck it up and move through it.
The zombie walk out of the festival: ~2 miles, in the desert, with thousands of other super spent festival goers. Enough said.
In sum, it is the best of times and the worst of times, but I will probably go back next year, this time with a clearer heart and some distance :).
Pharrell Gets It
/https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tkGAMSVaEAU This video is making its way around the internet and I can't help but sharing because it is so. damn. awesome.
Happy is such a great song with a simple but powerful message, and it's clearly resonated with SO many people. But watching Pharrell's tears of joy might be the most pure expression of the song's beauty.
Happiness is really what matters, and I truly believe it comes from within. :)
Weekend Gratitudes (really, really rough day edition)
/I'm on my way home from Coachella right now, which is always one of those 'best of times, worst of times' experiences [more on that later] in that it is seriously fun but seriously taxing. Don't get me wrong, it was a LOT of fun - but it definitely comes with a price for a few days afterwards. I am feeling very off-kilter today, hugely in need of some self assurance from within. So, I'm going to try to turn to my gratitudes for help.
Here is what I was grateful for this weekend:
1. Beautiful weather!! Especially on the third day, it was seriously amazing. Not a cloud in the sky, not too hot, no humidity. It felt like heaven.
2. Obviously it goes unsaid that we got to see tons of great music this weekend. This year we really tried to just explore, and spent a lot less time trying to track people down. It was worth it- I think we saw at least part of something like 35 shows.
3. Coachella is a place where I have a lot of fond memories with my ex boyfriend, so it was sort of tough to be in the thick of it, especially since I've been going through a rough patch of late. But I'm lucky to have great friends who are willing to talk me through it time and time again, and I am really grateful for all of the support and hugs even from some of my newer acquaintances this weekend. And as a side note, this was the push I needed to say goodbye to him for good... I hope. It's been really difficult for me to fully comprehend that this person who I basically thought hung the moon and stars isn't actually good for me. It's really easy to fall back into a place of hope. But I'm learning.
4. My best friend and I decided to stay at the Hard Rock for the night on Thursday since we were the first of our group to get to Palm Springs and our house wasn't available until Fri. It ended up being an awesome decision, we had a blast.
5. LAUGHS. My god I had so much fun with my friends this weekend. So many jokes on jokes and smiles. Side note: I am ready to go back to the circle of Yes. It made everything better.
6. I'm currently in airport purgatory, but I think that means I'll be able to split a cab with Liz home. SO that's a win.
7. Creating new memories at Coachella. I know as I move further and further on, these memories will stick out over the old ones.
I'll be posting more on Coachella later this week... so until then xx
"And in that moment, I swear we were infinite."
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This ridiculously cool gif reminded me of one of my favorite quotes from The Perks of being a Wallflower, another great coming of age/learning to love yourself inspiration. I can't stop watching this eye ball...
Deepak on Meditation + New 21 day Challenge
/Today Deepak took part in a Live Chat on the Huffington post to introduce his new 21-day Meditation Challenge and discuss the power of meditation and finding your flow.
As a devout Deepak follower, I highly recommend checking out his chat (spoiler alert: Deepak says meditation can help enhance your sex life!). I think my favorite nugget is one of Deepak's mantras: sing your song. Be true to yourself, focus on what you're passionate about and how you can serve, and abundance will come. He also talks about the importance of self care and of focusing on one thing at a time & being fully present in that moment. In other words, it's all about balance, not trying to fit EVERYTHING in.
Finding Your Flow starts on 4/14- I'll be participating, and whether you're a first timer or seasoned meditator I suggest you do the same. <3 the Chopra Center!
Daily Gratitudes #7
/.... Phew. The past few days have been a whirlwind at work, not leaving much time for practicing gratitude (but enough time a few instances of unintentionally practiced anger). Here are a few things that helped me keep a level, happy disposition with less time to dedicate:
1. During my morning commute, I fit in my daily meditation. Chopra Center Meditations are mobile friendly, and I found that a 15 minute meditation fit perfectly into my bus ride. It's harder to tune things out, but still possible - it just requires a bit more effort (and the volume turned up LOUD).
2. I downloaded one of Deepak's books, which I have started reading on my way home or even really briefly during lunch. His language is very soothing, and the man knows how to put life into perspective.
3. When all else fails, I escape to the bathroom to get a bit of "me time" during the work day. I am totally guilty of sneaking in a game of Jelly Splash or a few extra minutes of twitter scrolling, or even a quick cry if I must (more therapeutic than it sounds).
Anyway, with the biggest stressors of the week now in the past, here are my gratitudes:
1. Tomorrow is THE FIRST DAY OF SPRING. Bring it on, weather. We're ready, oh so ready.
2. We accomplished a KICK ASS amount of work over the past week and gave a killer presentation yesterday. Not without its stressful moments and arguments, all in all the entire output was very well received. As the dust settled today, my bosses were full of positivity. And, I'm really excited to put our plan into action. Lots of good stuff to come and lots of learning to carry forward for the future.
3. Since work is very top of mind, we also signed on with a new social content tool called Percolate that I'm literally jumping out of my seat excited about. To the point that when they presented their platform I basically felt like bursting into tears of joy and couldn't stop gasping at each new feature. We got an amazing deal, and I was able to sell it into my bosses today. #WIN #SUPERPUMPED #NERD
4. I had a much needed night in, had a great workout, and cooked a healthy dinner. Feeling very balanced right now.
5. This is a bit of a carry-over from the weekend but, UVA! NAMED A #1 SEED! BEAT DUKE IN THE ACC CHAMPIONSHIPS. Holy HELL! This video says it all.
6. I had a great dinner last night with our digital consultant - so much mind melding with a bad ass, smart woman. <3
p.s. I just spent a good 30 minutes getting sucked into the rabbit hole that is Valley Nails' instagram. Because, Coachella.
Sometimes a song comes and punches you in the gut because it (literally) hits you at your core.
/That's Coldplay's new song, Magic, for me. It's taking me back to that agonizing heartbreak place but still with enough sweetness and hope that I kind of love it anyway. While this song is heartbreaking, it's really about faith, and not losing the belief that magic is coming to you.
As a break up survivor, it can be tough to stay positive. But, the more we believe that good is coming, the sooner it will come to us.
Faith, not fear.
Or as Chris Martin aptly says, "I still believe in magic. Of course I do."
[spotify id="spotify:track:27jdUE1EYDSXZqhjuNxLem" width="300" height="380" /]
WMC is coming...
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Which means, so is a BUNCH of new music.
And while I won't be in Miami this year, I can definitely celebrate the gift of new tunes.
Here are a few of the previews / new songs that I'm excited about (I'll keep this updated as new stuff comes on my radar):
Prydz seems to be more jubliant than usual, first with Lycka and now Liberate. I dig it.
Three new tracks from Matt Lange #Anjunadeepfolife
YOU GUYS. KASKADE. NEW SONG. He's posting new tunes on Soundcloud, Fo free. Because Ryan is the best.
Daily Gratitudes #6
/Yesterday I had my first lazy day in a long, long while. I really enjoyed it and only had about 3 moments of "I have to get out of the house and be productive" anxiety. Much better than usual :) Here are my gratitudes:
1. I cooked a very simple, thai-inspired meal with leftovers for DAYS. Very excited to eat this again tonight
2. I got to catch up with a friend I haven't seen for a while at one of my favorite bars for an intimate chat and a few glasses of red wine: The Immigrant.
3. So much House of Cards binge-watching means my mind is part Claire today (I'm definitely not conniving enough to be part Frank).
4. Passionfruit is back at Pinkberry. Eff. yes. Side note, Pinkberry also just announced they're carrying these new Maria Sharapova gummy candies, which really made me laugh. They're called things like "flirty" and "cheeky." Umm, what?
5. A clean apartment + new sheets = joy.
Attitude of Gratitude Inspiration
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...all it takes is a simple "thank you."
I try for at least one when I wake and one when I go to sleep.
Lupita Nyongo'o Gets It (and moves me to tears)
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As if I couldn't love Lupita any more after her Oscar win on Sunday, a video of her speech at the Essence Black Women in Hollywood Luncheon is now circulating the interwebs. And it's perfect.
It's about what every woman struggles to learn: inner beauty and loving yourself will sustain you far more than outer beauty.
Check it out here (via @Upworthy): Lupita's speech on beauty
We all share in the journey to self-compassion, and I'm proud of Lupita for using her forum for such an important message. It takes bravery to share your vulnerability, especially with such eloquence and poise.
In other words, you motherfucking go, girl.
Oprah hugs forever!
Daily Gratitudes #5
/"Embracing and flowing with uncertainty is an essential part of the path to freedom, peace, to love and abundance" - my girl Oprah, day 13 of Desire & Destiny meditation series
So today, I joined Ok Cupid. I'm ready to start opening myself up to love again, and it seemed like the next logical step. My natural tendency in joining something like this is to overthink, overdo, and try to start "making it work for me" by anxiously pinging guys who look reasonably okay. But not today. Today, I let go. Today, I allow myself to feel the uncertainty, and with faith, I believe that what is intended for me will come. Today, I trust that it will all work out.
Here are my gratitudes today:
1. The perfect meditation for how I was feeling today (see above)!
2. I have had a lingering cold for about two weeks now, and it started to feel like it was turning into a sinus infection. So I finally gave myself permission to stay home from work today to rest and recover, and I'm grateful for the ability to do so. Brene would approve of this permission slip.
3. I finally made time (mostly due to sick day) to watch one of the big winners from the Oscars, Dallas Buyers Club! Not only did I love it, but it was one of those movies that puts life into perspective, that is heartbreaking and uplifting at once. It was a very moving story, and so well done.
4. An extra-clean, de-germified apartment.
5. Supportive, wonderful parents - I'm always thankful for them but I might have been less certain about staying at home today if it weren't for their encouragement.
MUSIC ALERT- NEW MADEON, free downloads
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HAPPY END TO YOUR TUESDAY, INTERNET. The French Wonderkid is alive and finally making music again, and it's damn good and so, so joyful.
I cannot wait for more.
UPDATE: There is also a free download of Marcus Schossow's "Kings of Summer" up on Twit Music and it is also beautiful and joyful and it's making my heart fluttery. So, grab that too.
UPDATE 2: Gabriel & Dresden posted their set from ASOT 550 Den Bosch and I AM DEAD at minute 17. This is heaven. PURE heaven.
HAPPY TUESDAY INDEED.
Daily Gratitudes #4
/1. I'm slowly knocking out yearly doctor's appointments, and today's was the gyno. Not always the most pleasant experience, today's meant sleeping in, a few free months of birth control, and a stop at Just Salad for lunch. All in all, this was a delightful start to my day (honestly)! 2. I found an awesome gift for my mom's bday: a beautiful Satya bracelet. I love the meaning behind these pieces, and this one was on major sale. Lotus for infinite possibility, angelite for compassion and acceptance. I even picked up an extra for myself :D
3. This Deniz Koyu mix that got me through my run this evening.
4. With some great advice from my good friends today, I'm going to dig deep, be brave, and express vulnerability to hopefully help a friend with a decision she's making.
5. Getting my finances in order - this month was a bit of a big spend with our trip to Miami, but happily I'm able to cover everything. The universe provides, always.
MUSIC ALERT-- Bliss and Beats theme mix?
/MUSIC ALERT-- Bliss and Beats theme mix Apparently, someone made a mix called "Bliss and beats," and it contains songs by my two favorite artists on this earth, Above & Beyond and Kaskade.
So. Is this DESTINY? Does my brand new blog already have some sort of anthem (or, collection of)?
Have I listened to it yet? No.
So Paul Valentino, don't let me down, man. A lot is riding on this.
P.s. Another jam I'm digging lately -- Cedric Gervais' remix of Miley Cyrus- Adore You. So pretty.
Weekend Gratitudes #1
/1. Spring-like weather - a much needed reprieve from the polar vortex and a reminder that we're more than 2/3 through this winter!
2. I had such a wonderfully civilized Saturday morning. Rather than the usual "wake up at 12p hungover" routine, I went to a 10:30 spin class at Revolve and rocked out a full hour of sweat. My good friend and I then had a casual stroll around Union Square, catching up over Jamba Juice. All in all, a great time!
3. Lots of fun celebrating a few friends' birthdays, including my cousin's at my apartment. We ended up seeing so many people, both planned and unplanned, and it was a great reminder of the amazing people I have in my life. I'm so grateful for it.
4. A nice heart to heart "I really want to be friends with you" moment with a new pal - I love the positive affirmations that new connections create.
5. A wonderful dinner at home with my family, and a nice belated Valentine's gift.
6. HOUSE. OF. CARDS. I watched one episode today and I'm totally, totally in.
7. A friend told me a story this weekend of a great compliment her co-worker gave her about my dad (they all work for the same company). He said that my dad was "just the absolute nicest man ever" and that he speaks of me often. It made my heart smile.
8. A drink with a handsome gentleman, and the self-fortitude to not worry about anything but the fact that it was fun. It seriously feels like a huge shift has been made in my life, that finally my self esteem is so much more constant and tied to an underlying belief that I am good enough.
9. My cold is starting to break, and mucinex is a total savior.
Daily Gratitudes #3
/Today is the short program of Olympic Women's Figure Skating so there's a lot to be grateful for. Here we go: 1. Yuna Kim. She's a Queen. I forgot how much I loved her until today- she's the best.
2. Today I had a yearly physical, and I am in good health (woo!)
3. Jamba Juice gave me a free shot of vitamin c and zinc, hopefully adding to my already stellar bill of health from earlier.
4. We have a huge day at work tomorrow, but really cranked it out today in preparation. I'm proud of my new team.
5. This photo of me from my figure skating youth. My mom sent it to me and it was so good I had to post it everywhere. The crushed velvet! The lankiness! The french braid! Phew, might get a nose bleed from up there. #SWAG #BrushMyShoulderOff
Daily Gratitudes #2
/Today was a rough day at work, one of those days where it seems like nothing is in place. On days like this, practicing gratitude kiiiinda is a struggle. But in hindsight, finding those few gems in a pile of rocks is easier than it seems, and it really puts life into perspective. It ain't so bad. Today I'm grateful for:
1. Pinkberry! A nice pick me up at the end of a longgggg day.
2. I was gifted a pack of awesome thin tipped markers today, complete with a stand up case. This, my friends, is joy.
3. Though today was really tough, I made some solid progress on my to-do list. And some intangible progress on some relationship building. I am feeling fairly accomplished.
4. I came home to a surprise check from some weird Bank of America settlement. Whatever it is, I'm happy to accept.
5. This is going to sound weird, but yesterday I bought a box of tissues and I just looked at it and realized that it makes me damn happy to have tissues at home. In a few minor aspects of my life, I still live in some sort of frat boy squalor-- in this case I have decided I don't need the luxury of paper towels, toilet paper, AND tissues- 2 of 3 paper goods is more than sufficient. I have to say, real tissues are really, really nice especially when you have a bit of a cold. So, if nothing else, I now have justified the existence of three paper products in my home. You're welcome, Kleenex.
Daily Gratitudes #1
/Today I am grateful for:
1. A great few hours at home with my parents, and a yummy chili dinner
2. Clean laundry, leftovers, and toiletries for home
3. The Goldfinch by Donna Tartt. It's bringing me such joy to read it.
4. Journaling and meditation by candles.
5. Brene Brown's OLC course- this week's assignment is awesome. Not only does it remind me to practice gratitude each day, but taking it to the next level through photography and artwork is fun! And, it gives me an excuse to have fun things to look at and to play with Over, my new favorite app that makes me think I'm an art director. I'm excited to embark on this week!